sex and the universe

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

So you’ve spotted her and you know she’s single! You’ve been reading Sex and the Universe and studying the Laws of Attraction so you know the next part is action and that is up to you! However, creativity wins points and, as long as it’s genuine, can be very effective. Where to start?

1. Use what you know about her to set up the first date. Did she spend a semester studying in Europe (France or Spain) and has mentioned it? Find the most authentic French or Spanish restaurant possible and take her there. Or if she has a favorite author that is speaking nearby, invite her to that. Which leads me to…
2. Use the element of surprise. If you know for sure and you are willing to take the chance, every woman dreams of someone showing up with tickets and inviting them somewhere special.
3. Pick something small. A simple coffee or invite for ice cream the first time can be less intimidating than concert tickets.
4. If you are worried about small talk, a movie and dessert is great (less talk involved the first time and you always have the movie to discuss).
5. However, if you know more about her and are comfortable hanging out and chatting, head to the park, a bookstore or for a nice drive for a picnic (yes, you are in charge of packing it).
6. Use your pets! If you both have dogs, ask her if she wants to walk them or go to the dog park with you.
7. Suggest attending a class or workshop together.
8. Be playful (amusement parks-if you you have the stomach for it-are fun
9. Comedy clubs get you laughing and the adrenaline running. Just be aware of who the comedian is and that they aren’t embarrassingly crude for a first date!
10. Something physical and no, I don’t mean that! Hiking, biking, climbing, or something like windsurfing is exciting.

I came across a Twitter tweet from Sam Crowley that said “Saturday night is always date night for Mr. and Mrs. Crowley. Off to our favorite restaurant.” If you don’t know what a Twitter tweet is, please go here. If you do already, read on! We talk a lot here at our Sex and the Universe blog about finding, but also keeping love and this tweet struck me as both very sweet and very important. When you use the Law of Attraction, or if you already have, to find the love of your life, you must invest an equal amount of time, if not more, in letting your mate know how much you care and how important they are. “Date night”, especially when you have children and busy careers, is one way to really share this message, but what are some others?

One of the first things to go in long-term relationships seems to be common courtesy. It gets awfully easy to be lazy and not treat your loved one as a dear friend, at minimum. I have a friend who says that having her husband bring in a cup of coffee each morning while she is trying to wake up is one of the smallest and yet most important ways that he says “I love you”. It starts her day off feeling cared for! One busy wife always cooks Sunday morning breakfast and she and her husband share it in bed, no kids! They’ve done this since they were first married. Do you still say please and thank you? Do you leave a fresh towel in the bathroom if you’ve used the last one (or another roll of toilet paper)? Do you let your lover sleep in while you let the pets out first thing in the morning? These are all examples of common courtesies that go a very long way towards building a strong and lasting relationship.

Another category is the element of surprise! Are you ever waiting for your honey when they get off of work to surprise them with a dinner out or concert tickets? Are you actively (though not cloyingly) observing the things your partner loves or dreams of? Part of loving someone is trying to help make their dreams come true. What dreams are you helping with? They can be small…if your boyfriend is working really hard, sneak in and clean up for them a bit or take the car to the car wash. The list is endless.

Regardless, this is a lifelong endeavor as Mr. and Mrs. Crowley have indicated. Yes, the Law of Attraction helps draw and keep your lover but you have to commit to the daily work as well. I’d love to hear what you do to keep your love alive (or what you’ve witnessed others do?)!

Image source

Sure there is a lot of focus on Viagra and Cialis for men and it is true that some men (not me, of course) suffer from some, hmmmm, issues as they get older. But the drugs do tend to work and men AND women over 40 are reporting that their sex lives have actually improved as they’ve aged! A new book by Oprah’s reigning sexologist called Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years became a rapid bestseller after the author, Pepper Schwartz, appeared on Oprah with other older women (50’s, 60’s and older) discussing their great sex lives!

A global study of 27.000 men and women ages 40-80 and the results are not surprising to me one bit! Most older adults in good health are having plenty of great sex-73% of those aged 57-64 and 53% of those 65-74! And they are enjoying it more. One of the really profound things that Ms. Schwartz said about dating over 40 is that as you age you start taking rejection less personally and you just move on! She also offer some other tips:

• Don’t be afraid of online dating!
• Take care of your appearance and keep your mojo up!
• Remember to keep your sense of humor up and look for fun and companionship with someone warm and caring. They COULD turn out to be your senior soulmate!
• Believe that you are valuable and sexy (can you see Law of Attraction) because you are!

For more fun advice for finding that life partner (or friend with benefits), be sure to check the ebook. Let me know your thoughts and advice on dating over 40 below!

Image Source

This post is especially for those of you who have been out of the “dating game” for awhile. Maybe you lost a spouse to illness or you went through a painful divorce. Perhaps you spent a long time with someone and they simply broke your heart. You look around and you are quite simply afraid and unsure of how to meet people, how to date, and don’t even mention sex! I know. I’ve been there myself. I met Jillian after a difficult divorce and I did many things wrong before I started doing things right. You have my understanding.

I titled this post “overcoming fear of failure” but I realize that you won’t actually overcome it. You’ll act in spite of it! By following many of the steps in Sex and the Universe, you will gain new confidence as you gain health, get your home in order and learn to trust that the Law of Attraction is bringing you what you focus on. But there is still that moment when you have to make that call.

A few suggestions? Try online dating. The joy of online dating is that you know already that people are looking for the same thing you are. You can see them (though, be warned, photos are often old or doctored so keep personality in mind more than the photos), talk to them in advance and have an understanding about what you are both looking for. Take it casually! Don’t go into every meeting going “is this the one?!?!” Treat it like a party where you are simply mingling and getting to know people. When there is a mutual interest, you will know. Use caution (don’t go to anyone’s house, meet in public places, keep the first meeting short).

Also try meeting people through activities that you already love…whether this is snorkeling or book collecting, dog breeding or gardening. Attending these types of activities is safe because there is a built in topic to discuss. There are also longer trips organized around these types of events so you can really bond with a group. Worst case scenario? You have the chance to meet new friends.

Try to take the pressure off yourself. If you keep working the steps in the book, using visualization, creating a space in your home for your new partner, and learning to love yourself more, the Universe IS cooperating…you may not see it every time you meet someone new. Relax, live life! Your soul mate is on their way!

I’ve spoken before about creating a dream board to help you manifest what you want in your life including your soul mate, utilizing the Law of Attraction and my ebook, Sex and the Universe. I found a great video (there are actually several examples on YouTube) of making one and thought you would enjoy!

A vision board is a very powerful thing. Pam, in the video, will talk about just being pulled towards certain images and not knowing why. Perhaps you see a photo of a man in argyle socks and you’ve never really felt anything about argyle socks but this photo does something to you. Cut it out! You are drawn there for a reason. Add powerful phrases and quotes as well. It’s all in the video and definitely worth your time!

Enjoy and let me know what you think below!

Likely many of you are familiar with social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook and you may have noticed that these sites are geared more to those college-aged or younger. LinkedIn is another social site but it is geared towards career. Well, there is a new social site called TeeBeeDee that is targeted for those of us over 40! Great idea, especially given this age group is very large. It is NOT a dating site like Match.com but a social networking site to meet friends, discuss topics, and get to know people which is a great tool if you are actively manifesting love in your life.

TeeBeeDee has an attractive interface that is uncluttered. It is easy to set up a profile and to start joining discussions on topics like dating, married life, sex over 40, travel, spirituality, health and many others. They have groups like “The Challenges of Being Single”, “Online Dating”, “Going Back to College”, and “Starting Your Own Business”. There are many options to find people you have things in common with, to locate events, and to expand your social circle.

TeeBeeDee just received a huge investment about 1 year ago and is still growing so its Australia members are limited in number. However, the site is expected to grow exponentially so it is a great place to add your info and start conversations. I’m always on the look out for ways to help you meet your true love! TeeBeeDee looks promising.

It seems to be inevitable. As we leave childhood and move into adulthood (and then on to middle age), we lose some, if not all, of our ability to have fun. Much of this is understandable. We go to college (well, there is fun there…), often get married, have kids, get a mortgage, a few credit cards, build a career, maybe get divorced, and at the end of the day, after many Starbuck’s lattes, what are we? TIRED.

Additionally, the things that made us laugh and play may have been misunderstood by others and so we set it aside so we could be more accepted.

Well, those days are over, my friend! It is time to reincorporate play and joy into your life. As I discuss in the ebook Sex and the Universe (which is very playful!), we have to be who we want to attract. So if you want a joyful person in your life, you must fill your life with more joy!

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Dance! With the music really really loud, in your underwear ala Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Run around the house acting silly as often as possible. No one will see and it is great exercise. Make a playlist or CD of the songs that you really groove to and put it on!

2. Borrow a puppy. Throw the ball, tug on the rope, roll around and let her lick you and bite your ears. Now this is FUN!

3. Create something. Keri Smith has a great book called Living Out Loud: Activities to Fuel a Creative Life is a fantastic inspirational guide! You can always work on your dream board… 

4. Do something scary to conquer a fear. Ok, this is a hard one. Skydiving, bungee jumping, parasailing or maybe just public speaking all make you feel more alive in the moment. See if there is one tiny fear you can conquer to increase your sense (and reality) of power.

5. Add some "play things" around the house. Now, behave. I don’t mean that! I mean bubbles or your favorite Spiderman action figure or a yo-yo or lava lamp or holiday lights for no reason. Life is (probably) a one-time shot. Live it up!

Your soul mate is out there. Do NOT doubt it for a moment. You are getting ready for the man or woman of your dreams to arrive to the person they are anxious to find. Make this person (YOU) as fun and interesting as possible while the Law of Attraction steers them in your direction!