sex and the universe

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So you’ve spotted her and you know she’s single! You’ve been reading Sex and the Universe and studying the Laws of Attraction so you know the next part is action and that is up to you! However, creativity wins points and, as long as it’s genuine, can be very effective. Where to start?

1. Use what you know about her to set up the first date. Did she spend a semester studying in Europe (France or Spain) and has mentioned it? Find the most authentic French or Spanish restaurant possible and take her there. Or if she has a favorite author that is speaking nearby, invite her to that. Which leads me to…
2. Use the element of surprise. If you know for sure and you are willing to take the chance, every woman dreams of someone showing up with tickets and inviting them somewhere special.
3. Pick something small. A simple coffee or invite for ice cream the first time can be less intimidating than concert tickets.
4. If you are worried about small talk, a movie and dessert is great (less talk involved the first time and you always have the movie to discuss).
5. However, if you know more about her and are comfortable hanging out and chatting, head to the park, a bookstore or for a nice drive for a picnic (yes, you are in charge of packing it).
6. Use your pets! If you both have dogs, ask her if she wants to walk them or go to the dog park with you.
7. Suggest attending a class or workshop together.
8. Be playful (amusement parks-if you you have the stomach for it-are fun
9. Comedy clubs get you laughing and the adrenaline running. Just be aware of who the comedian is and that they aren’t embarrassingly crude for a first date!
10. Something physical and no, I don’t mean that! Hiking, biking, climbing, or something like windsurfing is exciting.

I love true stories from people who have used the Law of Attraction to attract what they wanted (or sometimes what they did not because they weren’t using it consciously!). These people often start off as skeptics like me, and yet they ended up with irrefutable proof of the power of the Universe in reaping what they focused on. I just finished a great book of LOA tips and stories called Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction. I will say it is missing great tips on finding love so some time spent reading Sex and the Universe is definitely a worthwhile endeavor!

The book is part of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and is a basic “how to” guide for the Law of Attraction coupled with some pretty intriguing anecdotes on a variety of experiences using LOA. Some of the writers stumbled upon the laws accidentally, some had been familiar for years but had just not considered using them for their current situation. Many of the stories are “last chance” stories…the writers had nothing to lose by trying the laws to heal their current situations. A great story by Amy Scott Grant called “The Day I Ran Out of Money” is one of the brilliant examples of how the universe provides, and has always, and always will!

Again, there is far more focus on money, business and career than love in the book, but it is still awe inspiring and should be a part of your Law of Attraction library! (You have one, right?)

I came across a Twitter tweet from Sam Crowley that said “Saturday night is always date night for Mr. and Mrs. Crowley. Off to our favorite restaurant.” If you don’t know what a Twitter tweet is, please go here. If you do already, read on! We talk a lot here at our Sex and the Universe blog about finding, but also keeping love and this tweet struck me as both very sweet and very important. When you use the Law of Attraction, or if you already have, to find the love of your life, you must invest an equal amount of time, if not more, in letting your mate know how much you care and how important they are. “Date night”, especially when you have children and busy careers, is one way to really share this message, but what are some others?

One of the first things to go in long-term relationships seems to be common courtesy. It gets awfully easy to be lazy and not treat your loved one as a dear friend, at minimum. I have a friend who says that having her husband bring in a cup of coffee each morning while she is trying to wake up is one of the smallest and yet most important ways that he says “I love you”. It starts her day off feeling cared for! One busy wife always cooks Sunday morning breakfast and she and her husband share it in bed, no kids! They’ve done this since they were first married. Do you still say please and thank you? Do you leave a fresh towel in the bathroom if you’ve used the last one (or another roll of toilet paper)? Do you let your lover sleep in while you let the pets out first thing in the morning? These are all examples of common courtesies that go a very long way towards building a strong and lasting relationship.

Another category is the element of surprise! Are you ever waiting for your honey when they get off of work to surprise them with a dinner out or concert tickets? Are you actively (though not cloyingly) observing the things your partner loves or dreams of? Part of loving someone is trying to help make their dreams come true. What dreams are you helping with? They can be small…if your boyfriend is working really hard, sneak in and clean up for them a bit or take the car to the car wash. The list is endless.

Regardless, this is a lifelong endeavor as Mr. and Mrs. Crowley have indicated. Yes, the Law of Attraction helps draw and keep your lover but you have to commit to the daily work as well. I’d love to hear what you do to keep your love alive (or what you’ve witnessed others do?)!

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This post is especially for those of you who have been out of the “dating game” for awhile. Maybe you lost a spouse to illness or you went through a painful divorce. Perhaps you spent a long time with someone and they simply broke your heart. You look around and you are quite simply afraid and unsure of how to meet people, how to date, and don’t even mention sex! I know. I’ve been there myself. I met Jillian after a difficult divorce and I did many things wrong before I started doing things right. You have my understanding.

I titled this post “overcoming fear of failure” but I realize that you won’t actually overcome it. You’ll act in spite of it! By following many of the steps in Sex and the Universe, you will gain new confidence as you gain health, get your home in order and learn to trust that the Law of Attraction is bringing you what you focus on. But there is still that moment when you have to make that call.

A few suggestions? Try online dating. The joy of online dating is that you know already that people are looking for the same thing you are. You can see them (though, be warned, photos are often old or doctored so keep personality in mind more than the photos), talk to them in advance and have an understanding about what you are both looking for. Take it casually! Don’t go into every meeting going “is this the one?!?!” Treat it like a party where you are simply mingling and getting to know people. When there is a mutual interest, you will know. Use caution (don’t go to anyone’s house, meet in public places, keep the first meeting short).

Also try meeting people through activities that you already love…whether this is snorkeling or book collecting, dog breeding or gardening. Attending these types of activities is safe because there is a built in topic to discuss. There are also longer trips organized around these types of events so you can really bond with a group. Worst case scenario? You have the chance to meet new friends.

Try to take the pressure off yourself. If you keep working the steps in the book, using visualization, creating a space in your home for your new partner, and learning to love yourself more, the Universe IS cooperating…you may not see it every time you meet someone new. Relax, live life! Your soul mate is on their way!

An article in the online version of the New Zealand Herald is surely going to stir up some controversy. It is about improving mood disorders and increasing happiness without the use of medication (sounds a bit like the Tom and Brooke incident). I’m not going to debate that topic here! BUT the doctors who wrote the book the article is about do have some great tips on nutrition, relationships, stress and happiness that relate to topics discussed here and in the book. Let’s look at a few:

One of my favourites is to reduce or eliminate text messaging. Ok, I’ll expand this to say reduce technology in general! Obviously don’t eliminate it or you won’t be here or reading my great ebook on finding your soul mate, BUT we spend an inordinate amount of time on the Internet, texting and instant messaging friends, updating Twitter, talking on cell phones and watching TV. It is all very fast paced and stress inducing.

Letting go of materialism and celebrity worship was also suggested, pointing out that comparing ourselves to how others look and what they have leads to decreased happiness and depression. Anything that improves self-esteem (losing weight, new clothes, a new hairstyle…anyone read the Mojo post?) increases happiness.

They spend a great deal of time discussing nutrition as well. They suggest a bowl of porridge at bedtime, but any complex carbohydrate (remember Potatoes, Not Prozac from many years ago?) has been shown to help sleep and mood. Adding omega-3 fatty fish at breakfast (or perhaps a capsule?) and eating seaweed are also suggested.

And, no surprise, they point out that those who invest their time and energy in face-to-face relationships versus online relationships, career or the pursuit of more stuff, are happier.

So, go make a real friend, get your haircut and eat a potato! While you are at it, have a look at the ebook for more ways to build personal happiness and find your soul mate!

Is your heart still pounding when you see your soul mate? Do you still get shivers down your spine when they look at you that special way? Do you still get butterflies thinking about them? Yes? Fantastic. Want to keep those passionate moments going? Read on for hints to keep your romance hot and heavy.

Not sure? “Can’t remember those feelings.” “Seems like a long time ago.” “That was in the beginning.” “It is normal for those feelings to go away.” Are any of these thoughts crossing your mind? If so, you should probably keep reading.

The Law of Attraction can be used to keep the attraction and passion alive and strong in your relationship. In fact, instead of diminishing, the principles of the Law of Attraction can be used to keep those shivers down the spine alive and well. Those concepts that attracted you to each other in the first place, can be utilized to keep the attraction going strong.

* Good vibrations aren’t just the words to a Beach Boys song. We are talking about all those pleasurable sensations that are associated with an enjoyable time in the bedroom. Harnessing all those enjoyable feelings when you are with your soul mate will attract more of those feelings into your life. The more good times that you have, the more good things that will be coming your way.

* Communication is vital in any healthy relationship. Let your partner know what you enjoy and encourage them to share their feelings with you. If something is upsetting it is probably even more important to talk about it, than what rocks your boat. Even your soul mate is not a mind reader.

* Open minded. Being open minded in a relationship with your soul mate is important. You and your partner should be able to feel free to make suggestions to spice things up a little. If the suggestion is not your style, you should be under no pressure to participate. However, instead of replying “not till Hell freezes over” or “over my dead body” perhaps a little more subtlety would be helpful. Instead of a flat “No” what about making a suggestion of your own? This lets your partner know that you are open to ideas, maybe just not some of the more outrageous ones.

It is important to remember that your relationship is a two way street and that you should be both enjoying enjoying yourselves.

* Forgiveness. The Law of Attraction states that forgiveness must be a total experience. It is not just good enough to say “I forgive you” and hold a grudge. You need to empty your heart and your mind of the transgression and move on with your life. Holding grudges only returns negative feelings and thoughts.

Use the principles of the Law of Attraction to keep your romance with your soul mate hot and heavy. The concepts that attracted you to each other initially are the exact same ones that you should use to keep your passion strong.

You have met your soul mate. Now you live happily ever after. Well, perhaps, but not if you don’t put some energy into your relationship. Many couples assume that it is perfectly natural to eventually become one of those couples that stays in, has pizza, and the most exciting question of the night is which movie to watch on cable. Does this sound like your relationship?

While companionship is a great sign of a healthy relationship, many couples can fall into the trap of becoming a little too complacent. There can be a fine line between a great relationship and a boring relationship. Do you find yourself sitting up in bed working on your laptop or watching reruns on the TV, or are you still swinging from the chandeliers?

While not every couple wants to be performing bedroom aerobics forever, passion and romance are important in any stage of a healthy relationship. Feeling comfortable and at ease with your soul mate is a fantastic feeling. However, couples at this point have to be extremely careful that when they reach this comfort zone they do not stop trying.

Remember all those romantic sweet things you did for each other in the beginning? Why stop? They made you feel good doing them, just as they felt good for your partner receiving them. Gratitude and appreciation are two hugely important factors in a happy partnership. You were grateful when this fantastic person arrived in your life. You appreciated their great qualities. Six months, or a year down the track, that person is still the person that you were so thankful to meet. Keep showing them that.

Those couples who are time or sleep challenged need to take a leaf out of all those celebrity books. Make yourself couple time. If you have to, write it in your diary or Blackberry. Give yourselves a set night of the week just for the two of you. Maybe you just want to go out for a simple meal. Perhaps you want a massage for your sore neck.

As time goes on you will be able to set yourself little rules for your special time. Examples include turning off cell phones and computers, or no TV, or candles only. Whatever works for the pair of you. You will find that you will start to look forward to your romantic time together. Perhaps you can start a mental list of things you would like to do or places you want to go. Before too long you will wonder how you ever got by without your couple time.

You can live happily ever after. It takes work to keep the passion alive in a healthy relationship. Don’t let relationship complacency blow out the sparks of romance with your soul mate. Every couple needs romance, fun and passion to keep a relationship happy and blossoming.

The Law of Attraction works equally as powerfully within a relationship as when you are waiting for your soul mate. Those factors that brought your soul mate to you still need to be in force to keep your relationship happy and strong. What were those points, I hear you asking yourself? Well, for those who have forgotten, need a reminder, or are new to the Law of Attraction and are keen to start applying it their lives, here we go:

* Gratitude. Remember how grateful you were when your soul mate entered your life? Why stop being grateful for their presence? Celebrate and rejoice each and every day that this special person is a significant part of your life. Being grateful for your great life is one of the most important components of the Law of Attraction.

* Appreciation. Do you still appreciate all those special things that your soul mate does for you? How long since you told them or showed them? Have you stopped appreciating them and fallen into the trap of complaining? This is easy to do once you start to fall into your comfort zone. However, you should not stop tying to impress your soul mate once you have them.

Do you still appreciate the fact that they do the groceries on the way home from the office, or are you too busy complaining that they forgot your special request (which you could have gotten yourself)? If this is sounding familiar, you need to change your behaviour quickly.

* Compliment them. Everybody loves to be complimented and noticed. Females in particular can often easily feel overlooked. If your partner’s new hair style makes them look 10 years younger and 7 pounds lighter, tell them. It is very easy to notice, but to forget to mention. Take note and compliment the new outfit, the taut body, or whatever. In reality, your partner is partly making an effort for you. So feel flattered, compliment them, and they will feel cherished and motivated to keep on looking and doing their best.

“They lived happily ever after” does happen in real life. The reality is that to live happily ever after with your soul mate requires continual maintenance. However, after time, all these little positive actions will become habits which you will not have to think about so much. You have opened up your heart and your mind to your soul mate using the powers of the Law of Attraction with gratitude and appreciation. Keep your soul mate by your side with those same emotions.

Celebrate each and every day that you have a soul mate by your side. Remember to be thankful and grateful for their presence. Show them and tell them that you are pleased that they are by your side for a lasting and happy relationship. The Law of Attraction is a powerful and positive approach to enriching your life and your relationship. One you have your soul mate in your life it is important to keep implementing the same tools for a lasting and passionate relationship.

Be honest. Would you be attracted to you right now? No? Well then why would anyone else want to date you? It kind of makes sense once you think about it, doesn’t it? This is one of the foundations that the Law of Attraction is based upon.

One great advantage to being single is that it gives you some time for contemplation. Is your life how you would genuinely like it to be? Well, now is the time to correct that. Spend some time figuring out how you can improve your life and make it what you want it to be. Do not be concerned with being distracted by what others want you to do with your life. Think long and hard about what you want. There is absolutely no point being a rocket scientist, a brain surgeon, or a tax attorney if you are only pleasing your family. It is your life, not theirs.

Do you work too long in the office? Would you like to be fitter, or more creative? Once you have determined how your life could be bettered then you need to start working on that. Join a gym, or a craft group. Make a determined effort to leave the office at an earlier time once in a while, or regularly.

Once you have started becoming the person you would prefer to be you may start to notice that you will be attracting a different style of single to the past. One reason is that the Law of Attraction has started to work. Remember, like attracts like. The second reason is that the more you like yourself the more others will like you as well. If you have no respect for yourself, why should anyone else? If you seem to be satisfied with yourself, then others will be too.

Once you have joined a gym, an art group, or started mingling in the places that you would prefer to socialize, you will start to meet other like minded singles. Again, this makes sense once you think about it. If you want a heavy drinking barfly, hang out in a bar. If you prefer a more cultured individual, than you need to start visiting galleries, museums, exhibitions, and the like. If you prefer the athletic type, join a gym or a health club.

Once you have accepted your genuine self, others will too. Your self honesty and self esteem will shine through and make you far more attractive to others. Accept yourself for what you are. Get rid of the habits that are not genuinely you. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and become more independent. We all know what a turn on it is to meet people who are comfortable in their own skin and are happy to march to the beat of their own drum.

The Law of Attraction strongly works on like attracting like. If you wouldn’t want to date you right now, why would anyone else? Discover your authentic self and your soul mate will not be too far behind.

Of course if you are seeking to find a relationship then chances are pretty strong that you are going to want someone that you have things in common with. For example, if you are physically fit, like to work out and watch your diets then you are not going to want to try and pair up with someone that could care less about those things. Your first call of action is to figure out what it is that you do want from a relationship.

Sometimes the easiest way to accomplish this is to figure out first what it is that you do not want. Make a written list of likes and dislikes as this is surely to give you a very keen observation of what it is that you have been focusing all of your attention and efforts on. Focus further on nothing but the positive that you have written down and keep pumping the universe with those positive thoughts.

If you resist what it is that you say that you want then you will not get it. In other words you can not say this is what I want and then resist it. If you say you want this beautiful, fun loving new relationship but you focus upon the lack of it – you’re going to get the lack of it. Keep a visual going in your mind about your perfect partner just as if this person was already real, named and had a face. Again, remember to focus on only positive qualities and ignore any negative.

Your entire world is a reflection of what you focus on. If you don’t like what is going on around you and who you seem to be attracting then you have to start changing your thought process on the inside in order to mend the outside. Everything in the universe is made of energy; energy vibrates, and those vibrations attract like vibrations.

As you vibrate, you attract. Do you approach each new love interest with an inner fear and expectation that they won’t like you once they get to know her? Are you braced for rejection before you even have the first date? If this sounds like you then you are vibrating rejection and that is what will happen each and every time. If you have relationships or not they are a reflection of what it is that you think and feel.